I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The uberlube is also flammable
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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