i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
