im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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