Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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