I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
