so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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