I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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