who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
