She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
