whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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