if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
