i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
