You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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