I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They took my balls.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
