I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
