I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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