I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
