if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jerry, you need to find god
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
