The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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