so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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