Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
