I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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