I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
wow bdsm is so cute
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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