The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
