I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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