Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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