I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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