I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
