Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
