Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
