he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
