You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
