good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
