i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
