Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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