I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize