I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize