Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
