K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
