Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
