it was like eating out sand paper
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
