A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
