After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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