non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
