Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
