I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
