i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
