I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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