Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
