I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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