what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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