Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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