the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
