If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
