Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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