$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
