Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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