Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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