i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
