Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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