Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
