So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
