She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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