I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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