just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
