:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize