Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
