Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
