oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
