wanna go halves on a baby?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
