Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize