Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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