sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
