i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
