My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
