u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
