I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
