I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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