i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
