i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
