Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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