You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
