There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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