I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
