He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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