I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
