but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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