I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
