I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
