Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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