someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
