also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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