She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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