I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
