Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
