70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
