You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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