Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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