My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
