i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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