she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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