you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
